yiling_laozu | (no subject)

(no subject)

It doesn't seem quite fair that the difference between Lan Wangji's usual wake time and sunrise when the curfew lifts are nearly two hours apart. Wei Wuxian, of course, wouldn't normally be awake right now to begrudge the gods their curfew, but after being largely sequestered to bedrest (Lan Wangji's, as often as possible), he's had a lot of time to draw, and last night he'd drawn something magnificent.

Wei Wuxian shuffles through his dark room, pulling his clothes on carefully so as not to aggravate his wounds, already halfway to Odinhaus the moment sunlight first pierces the darkness. Grinning, Wei Wuxian quickens his steps, looking down at the sheath of papers in his hand. When he looks up -

"Oh! Lan Zhan!"

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Lan Zhan does not make a move to pick up his bowl, thinking instead on Wei Ying's story. They have both lived lives the other knows nothing about, lives the other one did not exist for. For Wei Ying, however, he did have a different version of Lan Wangji and he cannot help but be curious.

"Like the idea of Lan juniors being led by Wei Ying," he murmurs, imagining how startled and scandalized they must have been. "Do you miss your Lan Zhan?" he asks, wishing he could know all the differences that thirteen years have made. He cannot help but feel Wei Ying has received a lesser version. Surely thirteen more years would have made him better, wiser. Perhaps kinder and more open as well.

Wei Wuxian puts down his own bowl, sucking on the spoon as he considers. "This is difficult to answer," he admits. "There are times when I want to reminisce on something with you, but it hasn't happened to you yet. But to me, you don't feel very different."

He swirls his spoon through the bowl. "He is so much older than I am, and he has lived so much more. I like growing with you. I like that...you only had a few years of waiting instead of sixteen."

Lan Zhan cannot help but still think Wei Ying has received an inferior version, but he is too grateful to have Wei Ying to press the matter.

"Am twenty four after yesterday," he muses, only vaguely aware of the date as it had been so soon after their return. "Not too much older than Wei Ying," he muses, picking up his bowl again. It is against the Rules to let one's food go cold but he finds that the ability to talk to Wei Ying while Wei Ying eats to be worth it.

"I must be around twenty," Wei Wuxian answers with a bright grin. "I am so lucky to have an older man to look after me and make me food." His smile warms then, for he actually means it.

And then it falls right off his face. "What do you mean, after yesterday?"

Such words are ridiculous but he cannot help but smile, pleased that Wei Ying allows Lan Zhan to look after him in such a way. Lan Zhan is certain he would be a terrible patient for Wei Ying.

He takes a few more sips of his soup, mulling over what he has said for anything confusing before setting the bowl down, yet again.

"Turned twenty four yesterday," he repeats, unsure why Wei Ying looks like that. "Is that not good?"

"You had your birthday yesterday and didn't tell me!" Wei Wuxian exclaims, and if he were holding something kinder than a bowl, he might throw it. "I would have cooked for you instead! And made you some celebratory treats. And a present. I only have my drawings now, and they're meant for both of us!"

He sets the bowl down, collapsing to the sheets with a groan. Perhaps he can do something belated? Lan Zhan deserves to feel special - instead he spent the entire day looking after Wei Wuxian.

He is entirely baffled by the reaction, the words, all of it. Wei Ying has even stopped eating, which is indeed a dire sign. He shifts onto the bed, sitting at Wei Ying's hip to take his hand.

"Firstly, birthdays are not celebrated in Cloud Recesses. It is just another day, for me. It is fine," he explains, leaning over to kiss Wei Ying's hand. "Secondly, Wei Ying was in no state to do such a thing. Lan Zhan spent his day how he wanted, with Wei Ying."

It is a kind and solicitous response, just the sort of behavior that deserves a reward like a gift. He closes his eyes, still pouting despite Lan Zhan's assurances. He has tried so hard to do better by this Lan Zhan than he had the first time. Of course birthdays aren't celebrated in the Cloud Recessess, of course!

"But we are Xīn Jīhui now," he reminds him. "And in Xīn Jīhui clan, Lan Zhan's birthdays are celebrated, for we are very glad he is alive and he needs to know it."

Lan Zhan only just manages to smother a grin by kissing Wei Ying's hand yet again. His soup can grow cold and wait.

"Then we missed Wei Ying's birthday as well," he reminds him, a little pained that he did not think to do something. Birthdays ought to be celebrated if they hold meaning for the person. "Am sorry I did not acknowledge it. Does Wei Ying want to show me his drawings?"

"Ey, I did not keep track of the calendar when we arrived," answers Wei Wuxian, feeling lighter now that Lan Zhan has agreed that he can be subjected to celebrations and gifts. He hasn't outright said as much, but Wei Wuxian has heard enough to wriggle past any future protests.

He drags their joined hands to his lips so he can press a kiss of his own to Lan Zhan's knuckles, sitting up again. "I had some ideas for our screens in our home when it is built," he says, wincing a little as he leans a touch too far to grab them. He unfurls the first sheet and gives it to Lan Zhan. On the paper are a long series of steps disappearing into the misty heights, and on most of them, little white rabbits.

Lan Zhan frowns at Wei Ying's pain, immediately taking the paper carefully and kicking his own boots off. He crawls gingerly over Wei Ying to sit next to him, hoping he can take some of his weight.

When he is able to properly appreciate the drawing he realizes it is Cloud Recesses. It is home and the bunnies that had kept diligent watch over Lan Zhan during his three year exile.

"Like this very much," he whispers, pressing a kiss to Wei Ying's soft hair. "I know it is strict but there are many good things to it. Thank you for this."

He hates to make Lan Zhan abandon his bowl, but Wei Wuxian is just as happy to lean against him as he examines his work. Lan Zhan sounds as touched as he'd hoped for, and he smiles through the kiss to his hair.

"It is your home," he says. "I don't agree with every rule, but I know that you were content there for a very long time. I don't want want you to give it up. Well," Wei Wuxian amends. "Some things must go. Like ignoring birthdays."

He looks back to the drawing. "I haven't painted much. Do you think Asgard has supplies for me to practice with?"

Lan Zhan does not bother to argue, not yet. He has a year to dissuade Wei Ying of the thought that Lan Zhan needs some kind of acknowledgment. But Wei Ying's own day does hold meaning and Lan Zhan will not let it pass by, again.

His fingers softly trace over the bunnies and he cannot help but wonder if they are well. It bodes well that Wei Ying knows of them, thirteen years later.

"Think that Asgard has flying ships and jewelry that sends scripts and images. Imagine we can find Wei Ying supplies. Lan Zhan will ask."

"Be kind," says Wei Wuxian with a small smile. By now, he knows that unleashing his wishes through Lan Zhan can lead to...a certain intensity in his chosen.

"I do wish it would all be ready sooner," he laments, leaning into Lan Zhan. "When I am mended I will work twice as hard." He aims a solicitous smile Lan ZHan's way through his lashes. "I am eager to spend an entire evening with you."

"Lan Zhan will be polite," he offers, a compromise as he is unsure how kindness will be needed in what should amount to a business transaction. Lan Zhan has skills to offer than he is certain are worth more than paints. Wei Ying will get what he desires.

He holds him tighter as Wei Ying leans in, nodding before leaning in for a proper kiss. He very much wishes the same. "Want to wake up to Wei Ying," he confesses against Wei Ying's warm mouth. "Want entire nights. Lan Zhan has a list."

After such a kiss, the statement is far too intriguing to go without elaborating, and Wei Wuxian picks up his bowl, finding new purpose in getting well and soon. He slurps down a large mouthful of noodles, pushing some egg in after it, and swallows.

"What sorts of things are on Lan Zhan's list?"

Lan Zhan manages not to make comment on Wei Ying's eating etiquette, telling himself that eating in bed will only be reserved for illness or injury.

He hopes.

"Hm, should not discuss details of the list when we are unable to partake in them," he decrees, ears reddening. It is ridiculous, an entire life without indulging in any pleasure at all and now his body is yearning for something after only a matter of days without.

His scarlet ears, at least, give him away, and Wei Wuxian hums around another swallow. "So mysterious, Lan Zhan," he answers. "It must be very scandalous if you dare not even speak its name. What if it is too shocking when the time comes?"

Another spoonful. "You'd better tell me now just in case."

"Wei Ying is shameless; he will not find it too shocking," he mutters, carefully rolling up the drawing and placing it to the side, out of reach of potential soup splatters.

The list is detailed but he does not think he can say any of it aloud. Not in this context. Not even alone with Wei Ying.

"Is it bad if I cannot say it?" he asks, frowning as he considers it. It can't be correct. There should not be such barriers between them.

Wei Wuxian laughs, apparently not quite shameless enough to deny it. He slurps down the last of his soup - too fast, probably, but he has other things on his mind now - and sets down the bowl.

"I don't think so," he says after a moment. "Perhaps it will be strange, at least, if you still cannot say them after we've done them." Wei Wuxian is expecting novelty, if only because he isn't well educated at all when it comes to sex, and Lan Zhan has had so many ideas before. Wei Wuxian smiles, imagining him thinking of them instead of meditating.

"You have lived almost a lifetime of believing simple pleasures are not for you."

He thinks on that, wishing he had a way to properly express his gratitude that Wei Ying considers the question thoughtfully. He does not laugh at him, does not feel offended at Lan Zhan's shortcomings. Wei Ying accepts them and can work with them. It is magnificent.

He threads his fingers through Wei Ying's kissing the soft underside of Wei Ying's wrist before speaking.

"It is hard to remain balanced. Do not know how much pleasure is too much. Do not know what is normal. Just know I want things, many things. Only with Wei Ying."

He wonders if this is another list, all the places that Lan Zhan wishes to kiss him. "I'm not sure there is such a thing as too much pleasure," he answers. "And you know I don't care about what is normal. Perhaps you will shock me," he agrees, for Lan Zhan is full of surprises, "But I'm sure I will enjoy it. I'm not afraid of this 'too much' when it comes to you, Lan Zhan. You won't hurt me, and I won't allow you to hurt yourself."

He wants to thank Wei Ying. He wants to reach down and pull out things he's never said aloud. He wants to invent new words to say how much he loves him but he cannot, he can't quite do any of it how he wants. He cannot express himself as Wei Ying is able and he finds himself so overcome that he gathers Wei Ying even closer, tucking his face against Wei Ying's neck.

"Love Wei Ying," he murmurs, still careful of his side but badly wanting to just burrow in. He wants to prevent anything from ever touching Wei Ying, ever again.

"Wei Ying is good at this. Good at being a partner."

Wei Wuxian gathers him close, stroking Lan Zhan's hair as he rests against him. "I love you, too," he says, and wonders if it's true. So many times he has struck out alone because it was right. Most of those times, of late, Lan Zhan has come with him. Perhaps it's he who is good at being a partner.

"I hope I am," he says quietly. "All I ever wanted - " he says and stops, rephrasing.
"I've always wanted to belong somewhere. Even better to someone, but it never seemed possible."

"Wei Ying has belonged to people but they were taken from him," Lan Zhan says, rubbing his thumb along Wei Ying's knuckles. He thinks of Wei Ying living on the streets as a child, hungry and afraid. He thinks of the murders of Madam Yu and Jiang Fengmian. Of the loss of Jiang Yangli.

It's too much. Far too much loss for one lifetime.

"Lan Zhan belongs to Wei Ying, now. And Wei Ying to Lan Zhan. We will watch out for each other. Keep each other safe."

Edited 2020-01-28 02:52 (UTC)